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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I had to rush to the center. You know, that bustling part near the Dubove Market? Yeah, that place. I’m zooming down Shevchenka Street, dodging potholes like I’m in some crazy video game. Seriously, these potholes could swallow a car whole. I’m thinking, “C’mon, Dubove, get it together!”

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